jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
