Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
