i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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