I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
