If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She bit a glass in half.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You need Xanax blowdarts
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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