I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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