just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
