my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
