Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
