Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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