belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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