im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
