Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
