I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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