I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've blown a few things in my day
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
