Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
