somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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