I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
