it wasn't lemon gatorade
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
