just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
