he referred to my room as the tit cave...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
