I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
