god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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