Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
