I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
