Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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