Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
