We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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