and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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