I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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