Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I still have a little drunk in my system
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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