Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just high enough for therapy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
