I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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