why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
