Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am one with the molecules
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize