I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
