i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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