she woke up with a sticky ear
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
