My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
