sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
