Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
