those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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