I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
