dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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