She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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