There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
