Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
