Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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