If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
