He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
