I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
