This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
