Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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