i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
As shirtless as possible
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
