Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
