shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
