I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize