And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
