Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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