yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
