every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
