try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize