I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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