Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
