making cat noises will not fix the situation.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
