These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
