i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
