What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
