careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize