We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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