addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
