Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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