Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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