she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
