well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
