Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
