If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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