Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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