what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
