You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
