Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
