I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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