Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
