Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
