How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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