the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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