dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
