i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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