I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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