no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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