I just cut my nipple shaving
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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