I don't think brook has ever known best
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
