you will always have a special place in my vag
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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