If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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