I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
