billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I wear drunk well.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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