Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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