We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
