I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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