is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
