My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
