Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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