Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
