And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
