Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just pee around me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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