my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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