Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
