I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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