Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
