My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
